happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
