Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
