My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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