If i could tip my vagina, i would.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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