God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
