Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So much rum. So many feels.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
