the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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