I wish I could teleport
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
