He asked me if I "almost moaned"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
