please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
