I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We're too hungover to prance.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
