The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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