Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
