At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
