My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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