brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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