FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
