also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
