Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
