The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
