Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
