why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
