I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
