You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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