why didn't you poke me back
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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