He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
a search helicopter?!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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