I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
