i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
