Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
