I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
