he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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