So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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