I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
