piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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