yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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