I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
