Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
