I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
