wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
