had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I am available for nakedness
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
