I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
how does that bad decision feel?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
