I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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