Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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