Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
