i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
