And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Alive.
So much puke
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
