i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
