So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Did I show you my penis last night?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
