in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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