You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
