i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
honey bunches of taint.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
