The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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