the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
