Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
